What Is Time Spent?

Webster has a clear definition of each way we use the word time. We use it to describe duration. We use it to describe an occasion when something occurs. We use it to describe the exact hour, moment and second. We use it to describe seasons and lifetimes and a person’s experience such as “a good time” or “going through a hard time”.

We use it in music to describe tempos and rhythms.

Do we count the amount of time and calculate that as a conclusion of how much someone cares? If they have a poor work record can we find a correlation between how much time is spent towards that work? Are we so fixed on time that we have designated an amount that is equal to such things as caring, loving, wanting, desiring, working hard and working toward? Have we put a cap on things in a timely way and forgotten there are exceptions?

Here it is bluntly, forwardly and as honest as I can convey it…

I want to spend time. I want to spend it like money. I want to spend it like it doesn’t matter and like it might be gone tomorrow. I want to spend it like it there may be an abundance left but maybe not for one of us. I want to spend time like, like, like I really care. I spend time with my family and I treasure each moment because many of us know that all to often time runs out and we feel like we didn’t spend enough. So I want to spend time like if it could be measured with smiles and passionate moments. Like if some women like the 1-minute man and are not afraid to say, “yes, thank you, that is a damn good time.” And like the women who can’t get enough and where long nights don’t seem like they should end and 1 minute just keeps duplicating. Like we were meant to meet and time is on our side. Like we could write a book on how much time we’ve spent by laying out all the crazy places we’ve kissed or weird looks we get. Like dinners and busy days. Like long schedules and catching up. It could be written with the many streets we’ve traveled or the 2 just around the way. It could be with laughter and how many jokes we tell or how many we play. How many silly faces we make and weird expressions. How many times we’ve said our hellos and goodnights and in how many languages. Or how many sarcastic remarks are said lol. It could be written in time with just the measure of how much we could look in each other’s eyes and not want to look away. It could be written in the fact that you like a certain food that I hate or the amazing way you pull me close or the funny way you act out an impression of people in this horrible, not-even-close impressionist way and the way it makes me laugh. We could measure it in silence or in the number of footsteps from your place to mine as you walk me each time. We could measure it in gratitude. We could measure it in books read, risks taken or skills learned. In stories told or stories written. It could be measured in challenges taken or how much humility we’ve accepted. It could be measured in the number of accidents, buckets of ice, silly stories, hard moments and workout schedules. In daily routines and what we eat.

The point is it can be measured in any old way. It just can’t be fast forwarded or be put in reverse so the point I’m trying to make is, whatever the amount of time is, I want to spend it. I want to indulge in it like a fat kid and cake. I want to empower it like the ancestors’ struggles. I want to embody it how a butterfly does a caterpillar. I want to sing to it like a medley of Ella Fitzgerald, Aretha Franklin and Patti Labelle. I want to work it out like a body builder and a daily runner. I want to encourage it like a teacher and capture it like in the eyes of a child. I want to share it like a story and soak in it like a walk in the rain. I want to sweat in it like a passionate night and lay in it like hammock. I want to play it up like a jazz solo and harness it like the beat to our favorite songs.

I want to simply and utterly, no matter the measure on societal clocks, I want to simply and utterly be with you in this space at this exact moment to spend time and...

spend it with you…

The Meat and Potatoes

Men, and some women, love the meat and potatoes. The detailed story with all the hype and emotion can often be misinterpreted as flowered and unnecessary. “Sometimes I just want you to hurry it up and give me the Meat and Potatoes.” The long story, well, "that’s what you have girlfriends for."

Now, do women love to chat, tell stories and get the details of every little thing down to the very smell or taste of emotion that covered the air? Yes, we often do. Now, can we oftentimes get lost in the background story and forget to get to the point in a decent time? Yes, this is true as well. Oftentimes, this is the fun part of the journey. Oftentimes it’s the stories within the stories.

The guts of things. Sometimes you have to cut through the skin and know at which angle you cut in order to understand how I am feeling about the guts. Sometimes you need to know the angle, the color, the knife shape, where it was manufactured, what the weather was outside and the strength behind the knife to understand the premise for the guts. Sometimes you have to set the stage before you can start the play.

I guess other times it’s important to avoid being a slow movie with a slow developing plot. Sometimes we want the gist of the plot and not the movie. Give me the trailer with an ending! Sometimes we want the back of a movie cover with a quick picture and who, what, when, where, and maybe the why, but usually that is left to the other 97 minutes. The Meat and Potatoes. Sometimes I guess people perceive story telling like a grandmother in a nursing home as she gives you every detail and the background of each leading thing all while taking 4 hours to tell a 10 minute story, but sometimes she just wants to share. Take it as a compliment!

In business it is especially important to learn about the Meat and Potatoes. If it takes too long to understand, you can lose other’s interest in what you have to say. Sometimes we take too long to get to the point. Sometimes we make a movie in our minds and forget to sum it up quickly. Sometimes people can do without the details, but sometimes they won't understand the kind of meat or why red potatoes instead of white if the background and details are not given first. Other times it is best to simply give the outlined version and hope that interest will fill in the blanks as you go.

I’m not sure there is a right or a wrong, but more of an adaption that can be made on either side! Give a little storytelling and take a little Meat and Potatoes. Learn and be open to it. It doesn’t mean your girlfriends won’t listen to the drawn out and detailed story over cocktails on Wednesday, it just means right now the man, and some women, want only the Meat and Potatoes.

Don’t be afraid to give the cliffnotes version but remember to ‘give and take’! It could be the changing aspect and life and relationships are compromise. Life is too short to not give and take and smile all the while.

So maybe I have flowered the Meat and Potatoes but I had to get my point across...

The Cards You’ve Been Dealt…

In each of our lives we are all dealing with some type of “shit”. We are all bobbing and weaving to the best of our ability. We all have our mud we are trekking through and hard times with which we are forced to wake up to every day. We ALL have shit.

The difference between you and the next person is how you deal with your shit. Do you lie down and scream victim when you should be sucking-it-up or are you a victim walking with a front like you have your “shit” together? Either way, you’re an actor and need to decide if this is an Oscar winning role or just some baby shit that will grow up some day and flood your life. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want “shit” flooding my life?

You must remember that no matter the cards we are dealt, we are given the opportunity to own the hand of cards and keep it moving or lay down and allow it to consume us. What you need to know is, you are NOT alone. Even at a time that may seem scary, irritating, frustrating, life changing, “everything is on the line”, and/or painful, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! So begin your healing process by owning “it”. Owning your “shit”. Owning the fact that we have all been dealt cards that we didn’t expect, but it is the people who learn how to play the hand that win, even if it is a foul hand and you lose some dinero.

I arrived from Vegas this morning and realized how many people are walking aimlessly in this life, without purpose and goals, or if they have goals they do not know how to fulfill them with purpose. They simply hope for them and cry about them but never get up and own them. They never believe it be true for their life, so they continue to cry instead of reaping the blessing. There is a power within each of us that keeps begging for you to use it. It’s your super human power that is screaming at you like a Transformer character in the 3^rd grade begging and pleading you to put it to use. It is saying, “Stop the excuse and push the damn button!” It’s begging you to own your power and make rational decisions or live a little and “step on a crack”. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And the moment you set yourself free, you give up the ability of people to judge you OR if they judge you, you give up the power of their judgment to hurt you. You own your dignity and you flash the finger to the rest because YOU mean a hell of a lot more to YOU than anyone else. And it is amazing that when you do this, there is a window that opens in your life that allows other to stop and admire the ‘core’ person.

We are all dealing with some type of shit. It is our right and should be our mission to own it, speak on it and stop wining about it. Give yourself a chance and advocate for yourself. If you won’t, who will?

You have to deal with the cards that life has dealt in order to begin to enjoy the great connections that will happen afterward. It is when we put our cell phones away at dinner and cherish the moment that sits across from us that we begin to truly absorb the hand we have and learn how to make the right play.

Cheers to living in the moment, to taking a chance and owning the power you have, but just haven’t tapped into yet!

Akoo

A new era is upon the rappers in the game and the trends that follow them. The latest and most sleek to my view is Akoo, an acronym for "A King of Oneself". Check out the article for more info.

http://www.sojones.com/news/10108-akoo-clothings-exclusively-upscale-sneak-peek/

And look out for Akoo in you...

Opening The Door

It has been written by one of my fellow bloggers that “the one” for you will be able to open the door and greet as you would and with the utmost respect. Can you picture him/her, your prospective, your ideal man/woman, or even your crush opening your front door? To your friends? Your relatives? Your parents? Can you envision the handshakes, the hugs (as we do en mi familia) or the pouring of wine and making others feel comfortable? Can you picture it?

In thinking of this, I was chatting with a friend who began to ask some questions. I took this thought and in the midst of the questions I could not help but to immediately go to the place that I call, “my acceptance and my defeat.” I flipped the door idea and went back to the place of thinking, “will you accept all of me?” Would you allow yourself to open the door to the person I am beyond the simple definition and picture me opening your front door? To your friends? Your relatives? Your parents? Can you envision looking over at me as I chime your dishes and pour some wine? Can you feel the smile on your face from all the laughing and joking? Can you hear deep conversations and intellectual journeys? Can you see yourself opening the door to possibility? Imperfect to the degree yet in some ways, flawless at the core of me. Would you still open the door? Would you mind if our journey was a poetic one? Can you hear rhymes and songs as the creative juices subtly express themselves over more than just a few weeks, a few years? Can you open the door to dancing with me in the living room? How about opening the door to team work? Could you see yourself having me at your side, not in front or behind? Can you grasp a journey? Boys night or Girls night. Date night or Family night. Doing it big or finding the way.

Would you allow yourself to the open the door to this person?

And at some point, the number of doors that are willing to open for you will narrow. If one person can allow themselves to open their door to the person you are as well as open the door to the rest of your life and potentially the rest of your joint lives you will then watch the other doors close. This is not out of a foul heart, but because this certain door will be worth taking a chance and opening and maybe, just maybe, walking through.

Food for action…

Your Culture Fashionably Defined

I come from a plethora of backgrounds. I'm inspired by an array of people, places and things that my music culture, my fashion culture and my 'topic for discussion' culture are as mixed as I am. My culture soars from the 40s and 50s classy lady with an 80s baby twist and it reaches past blood lines and incorporates a multitude of traditions. It sings that I am different and yet harmonizes that I blend in. It picks apart ordinary and pieces together that "it" factor I desire. I am fashionably defined across the seas of time, heritage and trend.

They, whoever "they" are, say that "you are how you dress." Mothers and Grandmothers have been beating this concept into children for years. "if you dress like a _____ you will be treated like a _____."

I say, dress to please you, but reach beyond how your friends define you, how your "clique" defines you, how your job defines you, how your lifestyle defines you, how your supposed "where I come from" defines you or even how your ethnic background defines you. Fashionably embrace your character. Incorporate all of these things and maxmize on the fact that you are more than where you work, what you do and where you come from. Embrace the confidence, the swag, the tradition and the years that have defined you. And see if your outer appearance doesn't take on a new outlook based on it's connection to your inner outfit. Cheers to this past Fashion Week and to You, fashionably defined!

Rise or Fall? You Decide on the Occasion

Do you grab life or let life grab you?

It was an early morning that paid no attention to her plans. She got her son ready, straightened the house, made lunches and even packed a little time in to catch up with her friend. She rushes to get ready for the interview she's been waiting for. The sun is still shinning.

Her car wont run, so she had to arrange a ride. Her ride runs late with no reason and the situation is suddenly pouring out of her control. Shes frantic and as she pauses to wipe the tears from her eyes, she fixes her mascara, inhales deeply and decides to continue to her interview. She is now 15 minutes late. The clouds circle in.

This is the opportunity that she feels pin points the open path of a successful career. It is the position she has been looking for, in the field she has been ready for, at a time when she is ready for it and yet it's now 20 minutes passed 1:00 and she still has yet to arrive. She can feel the heat, but can no longer see the sun.

She calls to inform her interviewer she is running late and needs clearer directions. She is in the vicinity but cannot find the building. Trying to calm down, she takes a moment to breathe before finally finding the location and gathering her items to go in. She is now 30 minutes late to her interview. She gets out of the car and as she steps down, if nothing else could go wrong, the heel of her shoe snaps right off. Contemplating whether or not to go in, she pulls nerve from deep down in places only a few of us have reached and walks to the door going from 5'7" to 5'3" with each step. As she walks in to the Department of Community and Behavioral Health, she decides to just take off her shoes. The sky seems officially dark.

It's now 35 minutes passed the hour and she shows up with her hair frazzled, her shoes in hand with one heel missing and yet with a smile on her face, tells the lady, "I normally wear shoes to an interview." Through her chuckle and sincere apologies she kindly and briefly explains what happened. As the interviewer looked at her completely appalled she said, "I don't know if I would have come. That is a rough morning." And with her continuous smile, she responded, "well, life throws many things at us and we must learn how to go with the flow of things. Every day won't always be a good day, but you have to make the best out of everything. Nothing will always work perfectly."

Can you picture the interviewer's reaction and she then turned and said, "I wish I could look at life from that perspective." The sun suddenly began shinning again.

In my opinion, if you knew her, as I do, you would say just as I did, "Friend, you always rise to the occasion, no matter what it is!"

For most of us, we would have chopped it up to "not supposed to be" when our ride didn't show. For some of us, we would have held out until we couldn't find the location and a very small percentage of us would have gone all the way despite the messed up hair, height changes and 35 minutes passed the start time with no greater story than the truth and a smile.

In the midst of it, do you continue to poke yourself with the drug of determination? Do you still feign for success when the ride to it gets rocky?

She did.

Rise or Fall? You Decide on the Occasion.

THAT

Sometimes we need just THAT thing to make us bounce back to reality. Sometimes, like a slap in the face, we need just THAT thing that can stick a needle in our high and make us fall like a wilted balloon. Sometimes is feels good to know that THAT thing is nothing more than a lesson, a means to an end. Sometimes when all we feel is THAT thing, we realize that our personal growth is relying on so much more. Sometimes all it takes is THAT for your humility to surface and like a poet I encourage it.

Whatever THAT means to you. Please inhale it, exhale it and blow it away because THAT will not sustain you.

Time is a Miracle!!

During a conversation, today, with a friend of mine we were speaking about relationships and how amazing Time is. After going back and forth of how we view the amazing aspects of time, I finally shouted, “Time is a Miracle!”

In its true definition, Time must be used efficiently or you will miss the miracle of which I speak.

It was just yesterday that I was reviewing some old journal entries and came across one that I wrote just five weeks after I moved out and separated with my Ex. The entire entry was based on how five weeks had flown by and how much I was relieved from the place I once was with him and yet in the same breath, how close it felt to our first meeting, our first kiss and our first endeavors. I wrote a list of our “firsts”. The first time in the studio, the first time playing video games, the first time making dinner, the first time I showered at his place and the first time I did his laundry. I wrote, “It felt like yesterday, I was learning exactly how this man likes his laundry done and how whites are washed separately and differently then whites with colors on them.” He was a simple yet complex man who had routines that I felt I was spending my entire relationship trying to understand and “get used to”. There was a compromise I battled. As much as I adapted and bended in trying to be what he called for in me, I knew without a doubt, I could not be a rubber band in my relationship and I needed Time to figure out exactly what I needed. What I needed in a relationship, but more, what I needed for myself.

I Am A Process

"I am a process; full, complete and ever changing, but none other than a series of processes" - writingRebe

By Reason or By Chance

It was presented today that each circumstance has a course. This course can be long, short, thought provoking, heart breaking, enlightening, encouraging, motivating and/or propelling.


If we, a sector of optimists and believers, find that 'everything happens for a reason' then I need an explanation of why so many of us are willing to accept situations, but are unwilling to accept our personal reflection.


Is it not by Reason that you are here? Is it not by Reason that you have obtained either the intangible or tangible? Is it not by Reason that you have encountered situations based on a course of action whether directly or indirectly?


Are you not worth it to yourself? Are you not worth the Reason to obtain more out of life than simply your day to day tasks? I ask you, where is your passion? Maybe it's not that you are by Chance, but that you have simply yet to confront and greet your Reason.


When you meet someone, I encourage you to look past yourself, put yourself on the 'side' burner and embrace the moment. Embrace that it is YOU living in that moment and not a figure of you. Embrace all of you and put your head games in the back seat and like a bad ass kid, tell them to shut the hell up! This is YOU and your Reason and allow yourself to embrace it instead of chopping it up to Chance.


For if circumstances are by Reason then look at yourself as a product molded of a series of circumstances and love it! Love every inch of it; the good, the bad, the you that you 'used to be', the you that you are now and the you that you should dare to envision.


You are more than but a Chance this world was given. So, open your mind and embrace your Reason and give yourself a Chance.


We're waiting...

My "Sex and the City" Moment

So they often say that there are a few things that must happen to you before you are a true "New Yorker". After rats and cockroaches trying to share living space and my dress flying up on the corner of the street to reveal all as if I embodied Marilyn for the day, I have officially been pooped on by a pigeon in walking too close to the building. Shocked at it happening, I pulled over under an Duane Reade awning to make sure it had only got on my skin and not my hair or God forbid my clothes. I took a few pictures with the phone to double check. Feeling weirded out by the experience but questioning it's supposed power to bring Good Luck, I keep walking to lunch and then right there on the corner of 53rd and 8th I run into Cuban. Walking directly toward each other as if it were arranged we each wrap our arms in a hug. This handsome man runs into me yet again. "This is 3 times now" he says with a cheesy smile as I notice how undeniably big mine is in the reflection of his glasses. We speak briefly and hurry off to each of our directions but this time with a much much larger smile. Is it the Pigeon Poop or just another day in the city?
I'll leave it up to Life to eloquently display....

Reverse Inspiration

If inspiration usually comes from someone inspiring us to live better lives, go the extra mile, look at life differently, spend more time with each other, learn a new language, travel the thousand seas, hold out for that one true love or sing that perfect song and touch lives on stages across the nations; if inspiration is usually associated with looking to do better, have we not entertained the thought that inspiration can be done in the reverse?

I met someone who said, "I can't relate to that life [ghetto, hood] therefore I don't know what it's like and cannot understand. He went to Brown. His friends went to Harvard and Yale. Educated minorities have lost perspective in inspiring others? Come on now! We ALL have to look to each other no matter what level, status or background.

Maybe humility will find time to inspire you in looking at what someone else has or doesn't have. You have money, they have none. You want more, they want some. How can you be an inspiration to keep going when you completely close yourself off to others making less, living less or believing less? Let others humbly inspire you to count your blessings...

You never know when you being an inspiration could in turn inspire you.

Stuck

Stuck:

I'm feeling stuck
between a space
recognizing so many different avenues
Desiring a chase
I constantly battle regular verse remarkable
I'm stuck while time keeps moving
I can't seem to find my way
Like a record that just keeps spinning
lost in literal translation

feeling free AND complacent

done with people fakin'
I need a platform to display my true testament
prove my abilities
and stop living with this resentment
this self loathing and loving that I wake to each day
this war on my inner self
this derailing high speed train of the cards I'm delt
Or am I the dealer
Do I spend hours and days dealing with the cards I deal myself
I'm caught in the emotion
still spinning
hurting
recognizing a good thing can't find me till I'm complete
Is this true, I mean
who will accept my power and my defeat
stuck!
I'm looking to capture more
I know
more to this life than what I can see
seeking ways
motivated
yelling back at life "I'm God's creation"
looking around me now
lacking the motivation
Angry at the time spent coaching myself
to not be where I want to be
There's the 'pain' card I'm dealt
The swords continue to draw as I
pull the gun on stagnance
and trample over perfection saying
"I am a continued work in progress"
Hurting my process
I wake to the same battle
alone, confused,
committed one moment and lost the next
can't seem to find the return button
"fast forward" I scream
Press rewind
Hit play
My reality declines
I'm stuck!

Skin Deep

It's the saddest thing when you sit down next to a fine group of men with their eyes, their outfits, their shoes, their hair, their accents; everything to a 't'. But then you hear what they are saying and your opinion is instantly formed! You no longer desire to look. You giggle to yourself, you smile and you realize beauty is truly skin deep. So attractive yet so undesirable! I wonder if I cut them does their 'ugly' bleed out?

Grow with an Artist

The minute we stop expecting an Artist to sound like their 1st single is the moment our ears can be taken to new heights in music. Will you please shut up and let them be..... be them?

Many people criticize that an Artist, "just doesn't sound the same" or "has conformed to Top 40" or better yet "isn't true to the sound". So, I ask of you, what is "the sound" that they should maintain? Do they not have the capacity to grow in their craft just as you should in yours? Do you like their basis or their faces? Do you lean on their ability or their acceptance? If an Artist doesn't sound like their original track, why do you trash them and call them a sell out?

Don't get me wrong, many Artists have tackled mainstream airways and opened their pockets, but until you know their circumstances judge their ability and not their acceptance.

Have a better opinion than "selling out". Have an opinion, but don't hate the game because you're favorite player progressed and got an endorsement, made a movie, or switched teams. I dare you to grow with the your Artist. I dare you to have an opinion that is strong and secure and larger than "selling out".
Take a listen! Shit, that's what it's there for!

Broaden your ears and watch how your outlook follows suit. It might even, God forbid, change you! :)

Your Best YOU

Married? Divorced? Dating? Friends? The "The Thing Yet To Be Determined"?
In any situation give 100% of your effort and be Your Best You. Do so and when you find THE one, the NEXT one, A one, or SOMEONE, everyone else can say THAT person is lucky to have YOU! It's easy to harden and defend our hearts, but our greatest weakness is not vulnerability, it's pride. No matter how many practice relationships you have had, or will have, continue to forgive and be Your Best You! The world deserves it.
And we're waiting...

"If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It"

Some say "don't fix what isn't broken". I say "fix it before it breaks". Work on it, treat it, nurture it so it doesn't break. A very good friend said, "if more people took time to do this, many relationships would be saved". It's like when you see your tire is low and you fill it before it goes flat, which could ultimately become a bigger problem and incredibly hindering to your day. Fix things before they become hindering. Nourish them while they still possess substance. Fill someone's glass before its empty. Make more love, or create space to crave their love. Give more or nourish what is still there. Get back to what Boyz II Men said, "don't let the water run dry".

Care about people THAT much! :)

This is not for those far too gone and people obviously unhappy with their relationships.